Saturday, September 26, 2009

Reflecting the Son



The reason I started a blog was to force myself to become more self-reflective. I will read something or have a discussion about a topic with someone, and then within minutes the details are lost. The understanding I had gained has a fuzzy outline in my mind. That frustrates me. I know what I believe, and have gained  many reasons to back it throughout my life, but ask me to explain it, and those reasons are hazy and hard to form into words. Sitting down to form thoughts is good for my soul. It is good for my mind. It forms solid outlines where before there were just blurry shapeless masses floating in my brain.

So, what is reflecting? It is what you are and who you are coming right back at you. If you look in a mirror, you are getting a pretty good perception of what you actually look like. If you look at a photo, you have a vision of yourself locked in a place and time. If you look in a pond, you might get some wavy version of yourself with a few things left to the imagination. If you look in a cloudy store window, you might be able to make out some shapes and a little of the definition to your face. It really is where you look that determines what you see.

What is it that am I reflecting? Well, that depends on where I look, doesn't it? If I look at my friends, I feel like what I see coming back at me makes me pretty proud. This is something I am usually pretty good at - loving my friends. I feel most like "me" around them. Sometimes, however, I get stuck in that same old comparing struggle most of us do. They are more stylish, more together, more loving, better at their jobs, better at...whatever.

If I look for my reflection in my family, it is slightly hazier. My family is so varied. They come from so many backgrounds. Somehow, I am a part of them, and they are a part of me, but at times I feel like a stranger among my own. Finding the time and place to stand up and be truly honest about who I am and where my Hope lies can be intimidating. Yes, they are family and they are forced to be in my life, but yes, they are family and they are forced to be in my life. What if I say something to turn them off forever? What if I am labeled as the crazy one with that whole faith thing. Why do I care so much if I am the crazy faith girl? Because I want my God to be attractive. I want Him to appeal to them. I don't want them to see Him as a rule giver with punishments waiting to be handed out like lifetime prison sentences, or a cookie cutter God who breathes down on me like sweet smelling candy. How do I paint His picture to help draw them into this relationship that is above all others? How do I make them know that, YES, the tears will be wiped away, but that does not mean that they will stop flowing? How do I help them understand that my God just wants to have them on this adventure with Him? How can they make it through this adventure without Him?

If I look at my reflection against strangers, well all  havoc breaks loose. How do they see me? As someone who can do it all? As someone who does nothing right? As someone who cares above all else what others think? As someone who doesn't give a thought to what others' opinions? If I really try to look at my reflection through the eyes of those who don't really know me, then I get all tangled up, trying to be someone I am not or trying to boost up who I really am.

So, to the obvious. Where do we look to find the true reflection of ourselves? The answer is so blatant, why do I look anywhere else? God tells me who I am. Over and over He speaks truth to me and about me. I am whole. I am lacking nothing. I am loved. No strings attached. No rules I have to follow. Nothing but me looking at Him with wonder and awe. That makes me want to be more. That makes me want to be better. That makes me want to be who He says I am. That makes me turn and reflect what I am seeing. It really frees me to sit back in His embrace and enjoy this life without condemnation and fear. Without comparing and struggling.

Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We're free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him. (2 Corinthians 3:16-18 - The Message)

Of course life is a struggle. I am human. God knows I will struggle, and when I do, He is waiting with His mirror. He is waiting to tell me yet again who I am. He is waiting to pursue me with no less abandon than before. He does it again and again and again. He is not tired. He is not angered. He IS.

I love the song, "You Are the Sun" by Sara Groves. It is about reflecting. It reminds us that it is not about us. It teaches us that someone else supplies the image to be reflected. Our job is to allow that to happen.

And I am the moon with no light of my own
Still you have made me to shine
And as I glow in this cold dark night
I know I can't be a light unless I turn my face to you



6 comments:

Cindy and Fred said...

So very beautiful and so filled with truth! You are such a sweet hearted and kind person in my eyes, Ashley! God truly does shine through you. God bless. Cindy Feather

Anonymous said...

As I read this post I thought what a privilege it is to have you as my friend. I needed to read what you wrote today. There are things I've been struggling with and as I read your post it made get back to basics. I am perfect in His eyes and why do I need more. Why do I compare. Why can't I just be content in my own skin. Thank you for being honest and real in your blogs. I love it!

Anonymous said...

oops forgot to read over and put my name. new at the blog thing. Leah

Ashley said...

Thought you left it anonymous on purpose. :) Thanks for your thoughts friends!

Ryan Garrett said...

Glad to see you are reflecting more. It is a very good thought in this one honey, as self-reflection is quite unnerving and brings up a lot of junk more often or not. For me, your reflection is the most beautiful in the world. Keep exploring your soul and your faith.

Ashley said...

Aw, now you went and made me cry (really). Thanks, honey. Just get ready cause the junk from my self-reflection comes your way first.